How To Look Like a Chav

This is a rare catch to get four fashion criminals in one shot. I’m getting good at this.

I present you four chavs oozing with bad fashion. Surely, most of you would know what’s wrong with these four youths representing the bright future of our beloved Great Britain but I’ll still reiterate because some people just don’t hearken, do they.

Especially as this lot isn’t poor. I wouldn’t dare pick on poor people (would I?) These kids are driving £3000 worth scooters so I’m sure they could afford to buy proper clothes.

How to Look Like a Chav

How to Look Like a Chav

Chav 1

Different colour leg warmers? OMG! Even back in the 1980s when headbands and leg warmers were acceptable, you wouldn’t wear a mismatched pair. What’s gone into this girl’s head? Well, I guess we all know the answer to that.

Then we’ve got a hoodie with rolled up sleeves. Sure, you don’t wear a hoodie. Never. Ever. But if you absolutely have to, don’t roll up your sleeves.

What’s that? Oh, she’s forgotten the skirt too.

Chav 2

So, winter boots with fur inlays (faux fur, ahem) which means it’s cold outside? No, it was actually a very warm October day, 18 degrees C. You don’t wear winter boots when it’s hot outside.

Skirt or pants or whatever has been left at home and she’s wearing just leggings or yoga pants. No self-respecting woman will wear yoga pants outside her yoga class unless she wants to come across as a slut.

Besides, you also have to know what you can and what you can’t afford. I don’t want to sound mean but if your legs are short and stumpy and your shoulders are wide, wearing yoga pants or any other ultra-tight pants will make you look like a weightlifter.

Then we’ve got a blue kangaroo jersey with a huge belly pocket. Even the slimmest lady will look bigger in a kangaroo jersey and this one is, erm not too slim (I said that because I didn’t want to use the word “fat”)

Chav 3

He’s a bit of a shorty this one. Obviously one can’t do much about one’s physique but it’s always possible to find a combination that flatters and compliments whatever Mother Nature has given you.

So, why on Earth is he wearing a warm hoodie that extends so far below his waistline making his legs look even shorter than they are? It’s purely beyond me.

Chav 4

Yes, another hoodie and yes, the trousers are actually too short because they’re good two inches above the boot. But it’s not the point.

The point is this. One of the worst fashion crimes you can commit: the combination of grey and brown. This is just unbelievable! These two colours never work together.

And if you ask me what that lonely biker boot is doing there, I don’t really know. I assume it’s the prize for the “worst dressed chav”, and the winner gets a boot. Or “the” boot in this instance.

Expert verdict: Dud… quadruple Dud, in fact 🙁

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4 responses

    • Cheers. It’s blurry because it’s shot from a distance using a smartphone. I wouldn’t dare to approach the fat one with my smartphone pointing at her. She’s like Enyo the goddess of destruction, only unfortunately not as good-looking 😉

    • Well spotted, Remy! Drives me nuts all these numbers and combinations of meaningless letters and characters. Makes you look like a jailbird.

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